


My Mission

by ineeda_life



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angel Castiel, College professors, F/M, M/M, Professor Castiel, Professor Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 16:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8497927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineeda_life/pseuds/ineeda_life
Summary: Castiel is an angel and has to watch Dean Winchester, a mithology professor in Lawrence. In order to do that he goes to the same college as Dean to teach english literature.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters.  
> The next chapters are going to be longer but I don't know how soon I'll be able to update.  
> I hope you enjoy :)

“Please, please don’t. Please!” The man I am supposed to kill yells. “I’m sorry I raped those women so please don’t kill me.” This is one of my easier jobs. A preacher that raped twelve women and killed two of those. Sometimes it’s harder to do what I’m told. There are times I have to murder children. And for what? Because god commanded it? Why would he want me to kill innocent children? I am an angel not an assassin. But I still do my job just like I’m killing this man because that is why I exist. I am not sure this is the right thing to do but what else should I do? So I just carry on doing what my commanders say and only ask myself if this is the right thing to do when I have to sacrifice innocent to do what I am supposed to.

 

“Castiel, I’ve got a new mission for you. Dean Winchester. He is a mythology professor at The University of Kansas in Lawrence. You are to watch him and be ready when new orders come. You are going to go to the same college to tach English literature and call yourself Castiel Novak. Naomi will fill you in about your background. Understood?”  “Yes, sir!”

 

Today I am moving into my new apartment in Lawrence. I only need it in case people want to know where I live since I don’t sleep, eat or own anything. It’s small with one big room for a bed, a living room/dining room area and a kitchen. In the back there is a door leading to the bathroom. Balthazar and I arrange the furniture and unpack my fake possessions that I got if somebody visits me. It doesn’t take us long and when we are finished it doesn’t look very personal but it is enough to look like somebody actually lives there. Soon after Balthazar leaves and I read through my background story again for something to do and to make sure I know it well enough.

The next day I start work. I put on my trench coat and fly to the college but not too close to not be suspicious. I walk the rest of the way and enter the building. “Hi, you must be Castiel. Nice to meet you. I’m Charlie. I teach IT and I’ll show you around. If you have any questions or a student gives you trouble you can always come to me.” The redheaded women smiles at me after finishing talking. “Uhh hello. Yes I am Castiel and thank you for the offer.” “No prob. So let’s go to your office first of all.”

After she shows me everything she goes to her own office to prepare for her own class and I am left to sit, look out of the window and wait till I have to teach. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. “Come in.” The door opens and a very handsome man enters. He has short dirty blond hair, freckles and gorgeous green eyes.  He is a bit taller than me. Of course I recognize him at once. It is Dean Winchester. The human I am supposed to watch. _He looks much better in person._ Is the first thought when I see him. “Hello. How can I help you?” “Hey. Charlie just told me about you and I wanted to introduce myself. My name’s Dean. I am the mythology professor here. I heard you teach literature.” “Yes, that is correct. I am Castiel Novak.” “Uhh, cool. Well I just wanted to stop by and say hello. I need to get to my class. It was a pleasure meeting you. See you around.” “Good-bye, Dean.” And with that he was gone and I got my things to go to my own class.

 


	2. Chapter 2

My first day of work goes by uneventful. After my last class I go to my office to get some things I left there and make my way out of the building. “Hey, Castiel.” Dean is walking towards me with Charlie and some people I don’t know. “Hello, Dean, Charlie.” “We were going to go to the Roadhouse, a bar close by. You wanna come?” “Sure.” On our way to the roadhouse we talk a little and Dean introduces me to the others. Kevin Tran, the chemistry professor, Fergus MacLeod or Crowley, the history professor, Meg Masters, the Latin professor, and Bela Talbot, the economics professor.

When we arrive at the bar Dean holds the door open for all of us and we enter. “Hey brother. What can I get you? Oh, there’s a new face. Who’s he?” The bartender approaches us and claps Dean on the back before he looks at me. “Hey Benny. I don’t know about the others but I’d like a beer. This is Castiel. New professor. Thought we’d show him the best bar in town.” “And I thought you invited him to get him drunk and take advantage of him.” Benny winks at Dean. “By the way I’m Benny. It’s a pleasure to meet you. What ya teach?” “I teach English literature and the pleasure is mine. I’d also like a beer, please.”

After the others give their orders, Benny goes to get the drinks and we sit down in a booth. I’m sitting on the inside and Dean is pressed against me. “So Clarence, where you from?” Meg asks. Clarence? Who’s Clarence? Why is she looking at me? Does she think my name is Clarence? “My name is Castiel not Clarence and I am originally from Boston. I travelled a lot since my father is an author and needed to do research in different places.” “I know you’re name’s Castiel. It’s called a nickname.” Nickname? Why would she give me a nickname? “It’s something I do. I give people nicknames.” I must have looked confused since she explains herself.

“So your father is an author.  Write anything famous? Was it just you and your father growing up?” Dean changes the subject. “His penname is Carver Edlund. His most famous works are the supernatural books.” “Oh I love those books. Your father is really the writer? That’s awesome!” Charlie says excitedly.  “Yes, he is. And it was only my father and I while I was growing up. My mother died of cancer a month after I was born and I don’t have any siblings.” “Oh I’m sorry. But at least with your father’s job he had time for you, right?” Kevin asks. He looks like he’s pitying me. I should probably look sad talking about my dead mother. “Yes, it’s a bit sad but I never really knew her. My father worked a lot so he didn’t have much time. He would leave me in a hotel and give me work to do for a week as he was homeschooling me. “That sounds pretty crappy. I mean your mother being dead, your father not having time, moving around a lot and you probably didn’t have any friends cause you were homeschooled. No wonder you’re awkward but seriously you could show some emotion. I mean you’re talking about your life but not like it’s your own. More like you learnt the information by heart.” Oh no. Did she find out I’m not human already? Am I that bad of an actor? What should I do? “Bela, shut up! Not all people start crying talking about their shitty childhood or show emotion the same way! And Cas might be a bit awkward but he’s nice so stop being cruel to him!” Dean comes to my defense. She was being cruel? I guess I really have to learn more things about human interactions.

“Wow. Benny was right. You really want to get in his pants. Well, he is hot.” Why would Dean want to be in my pants? He is wearing some himself. And my temperature? I put my hand to my forehead. Normal. “He is wearing pants. Why would he want mine? They would probably be too small for him anyway. My body temperature is normal as well.” At that the others start laughing. Why are they laughing? Is it some kind of ritual to exchange pants? I have never heard of anything like it. “Cas. Oh man. She didn’t mean that I want your pants but that I want to have sex with you.” Cas. He has called me that before. I wonder why. It sounds nice though. Dean’s face is red. Why? Maybe he has got a fever. I put my hand to his forehead. His temperature is normal as well. The others are looking at me weirdly. “Oh so you want to have intercourse with me. Why is your face red? Your temperature is normal.” “He’s blushing, Castiel. He’s mortified he told you he wants to have sex with you.” Castiel clarifies. “I did not mean it that way. I wanted to say Bela thinks I wanted to have sex with you. Well, I have to get home now. Still have some papers to grade. See you guys tomorrow.” With that Dean gets up. We all say goodbye and then he leaves.

After that we go on talking for another hour or so until everybody goes home. Should I call this apartment home? I mean to other people yes, but in my own mind? This isn’t my home. Heaven is. Right?


	3. Chapter 3

Why is the pizza man hitting the babysitter’s rear? I thought he loves her. Why is there blood rushing towards my penis? Am I having an erection? Why am I even watching this? This is inappropriate. But what else have I to do? There is nothing else on the television Balthazar gave me and it is only 3am. I don’t have to be at work for another few hours. I could go to heaven and see if Balthazar has time to talk. But what should I talk about? How I think Dean looks more attractive in person? What? I should not be thinking things like that about a human. Or even another angel. Especially not the person I have to watch. On the other hand there is nothing wrong with appreciating his looks. It’s not like I am emotionally attracted to him. Maybe I should ask Balthazar for advice.

“You called, Cassie?” Suddenly Balthazar appears in the living room area of my apartment. I must have accidentally called him with my thoughts. “Well, not on purpose but while you are here I have a question.” “Let’s hear then what has your mind worried at this early hour.” “It is not like we sleep so the time is not of importance.” “Yeah, yeah. Just tell me with what you need my help.” “Do you think it is a problem that I think Dean Winchester is attractive?” “What? Oh my god. Ok maybe I shouldn’t say that. I’d never thought you of all people would fall for a human. “I haven’t fallen! I only find him good looking. Do you think that is a problem? What should I do?”  “Ok calm down, Cassie. If you are not emotionally attracted to this human everything is fine. But while you are here you might as well tap that.” “Tap that?” “Have sex with him. I read his file. He is bisexual. Give it a shot, have some fun. You are always so uptight.” I frown. “So I have to go now. Keep me posted on your love crises.” And with the sound of his wings he is gone.

For the next hours before I go to work I think about what Balthazar said. Should I have intercourse with him? Maybe that would settle my attractions. He’s probably a bottom. At once an image is in my mind. Castiel! What are you thinking?! Intercourse with a human. The human you are watching. You don’t even know if he wants to have intercourse with you. Stop! That’s not important at the moment. Benny and Bela thought he wanted to. Stop thinking about that! But he said he didn’t. He did turn red though and didn’t look me in the eye so maybe he was lying. I should really think of something else than having intercourse with a human...

I get up from my couch to the bookshelf and pull out a book. “The Complete Sherlock Holmes” by Arthur Conan Doyle. I sit down again and start reading. It is actually quite interesting. I’ve never really read a book written by humans or watched a movie before unless I needed the information for a job. I’ve only ever watched them write the books. Maybe I should read more.

 

I’ve almost finished reading when my alarm to signal that it is time to go to work goes off. I put the book in my bag so I can read in my free time instead of looking out of my office window and fly to the same spot as yesterday. On my way to my office I see Charlie and greet her but I don’t stop to talk to her longer. She looks busy talking to a young man. Probably a student of hers.

“Hey Cas. Had a nice evening after I left?” I was so focused on Charlie that I didn’t notice Dean approaching me. “Yes, it was nice though we didn’t stay much longer. Did your grading go well?” “What? Oh, yes, it was fine. Sorry I had to leave so abruptly.” “Don’t worry, Dean. I can understand. I have the same job you know.” “Yeah. By the way. I brought you coffee. I thought you’d probably wouldn’t know where to get good coffee.” He holds out a paper cup for me to take. I accepted and give Dean a small smile. I should probably be friendly since I have to watch him. At least that’s what I tell myself as reason for that smile. I never smile. “Thank you, Dean. That is very kind of you.” He blushes a bit again. “It was nothing. But if you’d like to get to know the town I could show you around this weekend.” “That would be lovely.” Again that smile. At that Dean gives a grin as well. His is bigger though. “Ok. Then give me your number and I’ll text you when and where we’ll meet.” Number? Which number does he want? My house number? But that wouldn’t make sense with the texting.  I squint at him confused and tilt my head a little. “My number?” “Yeah. Your cellphone number? Or don’t you have one? Then your landline.” “I don’t have any kind of phone.” “What?! You don’t have any kind of phone? Seriously? How do you stay in touch with people?” I hadn’t thought of that. A phone. What should I say? People don’t really write letters anymore, do they? “My old phone broke and I haven’t had time to buy a new one. I was planning on getting it on Saturday.” “Oh ok. For a moment there I thought you were some kind of hermit. How about I’ll pick you up at your place on Saturday at around 2pm and we’ll buy you a new phone and I’ll show you around. Just give me your address.” After I agree to the plans and give him my street number, we say goodbye and go to our separate classrooms.

In a break between my classes I finish the book and since I have nothing else to do I go to the cafeteria to see if Dean is there. He isn’t. Before I can leave again Charlie sees me and gets up. “Hey, Castiel. Had a good day? Getting used to teaching here?” “Hello, Charlie. My day has been uneventful, how has yours been? I am getting used to it quicker than I would have thought.” “My days been boring but at least nothing bad happened. Why don’t you get yourself some food and come sit with us?” “I’m not really hungry but I’ll come sit with you.” With that we head back to the table and sit down. I greet the others and then we talk about classes and our students till the break is over. After work I go back to my apartment, do some things for work and then find a new book to read.

The next days go by quickly and then it’s Saturday. The day I’m meeting Dean. I haven’t seen him much since we agreed to meet. He must have been busy with work. I look at the clock. 1:30pm. He will be there in approximately half an hour. Should I get ready in some way? In what way should I get ready? I don’t have to wash like humans and I’m already dressed. I’ve got my credit card and keys in my pocket, what else do I need? Okay. So I don’t have to get ready in any way. What can I do in 30 minutes? I don’t have any books to read anymore but I could fly to a store and get some. But choosing a book and paying could take a while and then I won’t be able to start reading. And what if Dean is early and I’m not there when he comes? I should stay in the apartment. I don’t really have anything to do here though. Especially without any books. And the last time I turned on the television didn’t go well. Maybe I should try that again anyway.  I can turn it off it is bad. So until Dean comes I watch a documentary about bees. I’ve always found them interesting. They are just talking about the queens when the doorbell rings. I get up and open the door. “Hey, Cas. Ready to go?”  “Hello. Yes, I’m as good as ready. I just have to turn off the television.” I go back into the living room area and turn it off. I notice Dean followed me inside and is looking around my apartment.  “Hm. Not what I expected but it suits you. Not to personal but also not impersonal. And of course lots of books. I don’t know why I expected anything else.” He smiles at me. It is another one of his heart warming smiles that make you happier just by looking at them and making you smile as well. “Okay. I think I’m ready now.” I grab my coat and walk into the stairway. Dean follows. I close the door behind him and we make our way downstairs. “So what were you watching before I came.” “A documentary about bees. It was quite interesting actually.” “Bees? Seriously? You like bees?” “Yes.” “Okay. I must say you’re the first person to ever tell me they like bees.” “Why? Bees are wonderful creatures. Pretty smart as well. And they make honey.” “They sting.” “Only if you threaten them. Wasps and hornets are way worse.” “That’s true. And don’t get me wrong. I don’t dislike bees. I just don’t understand how one could watch a documentary about them.” “Not everybody likes the same things, Dean.” “Yeah, I know that. I guess this bee loving side of you just came unexpected.”

While we were talking we left the building and are now walking towards a black car. “So time for introductions. Cas this is Baby. Baby meet Cas.” “Baby? Is that a car brand? It is kind of a weird name for a car brand.” “Baby is not a brand. It’s what I call her.” “I didn’t know machines had genders.” “Hey! She’s not just some machine! She’s a 67 Impala.” He looks at me with a proud look on his face before he turns around and starts talking to his car. “Don’t listen to him, Baby. He didn’t mean to insult you. He just doesn’t know better.” “I doubt “she” is going to answer you or be upset. Cars don’t have feelings. Also “she” is not capable of noticing you petting “her”.” “You have a weird liking for bees, I am obsessed with my car. Live with it unless you prefer to walk.” With that he gets into the Impala and I walk around her -I guess I have to call her that even though it is pretty ridiculous- and get in on the passenger side.

The drive is short. We talk a bit about teaching until Dean parks. “Okay so I thought we’d get your phone first and then I’ll show you around.” “Sounds good.” After getting out of the car Dean leads the way to a shop and we enter. “Hello, welcome to…” A man in a uniform starts talking but Dean interrupts him. “We’re a bit in a hurry. We just need a phone with which one can text and make phone calls. Unless you want any extras, Cas?” “No, I’m fine with just the basics.” Especially seeing as Dean will most likely be the only person I’ll ever contact with it. “Ok. What’s your budget?” The employee asks. He seems a bit disgruntled. Probably because Dean was being impolite. “Just give me something that’s not too expensive.” With that he goes to fetch a phone. I’ll just say yes to the first one seeing as I don’t really care and Dean said we’re in a hurry. After buying that one Dean and I leave and he shows me around for about three hours. Then we go to the roadhouse.

“So how did you like the grand tour?” Dean asks while we take our seats. Benny isn’t there today. “It was nice. This is a lovely city.” At that moment a blond waitress approaches our table. “Hey, Dean. Who’s your date?” Apparently they’re familiar. “He isn’t my date, Jo. He’s a college and friend. I showed him around town cause he’s new here.” “Oh, you must be Castiel. Benny told me about you. I’m Jo. I’m basically his sister. So what can I get you two?” “My usual.” Should I get something to eat? It would probably look weird if I didn’t. “A beer and a cheeseburger for me, please.” “Coming right up.” Jo leaves and comes back soon with our drinks. “Ok, Cas, what did you like best?” I think for a moment and answer. “I think the bookshop.” “Haha. I knew it.” We go on talking about our families or better his family and my fake one until our food comes. We don’t talk much while we are eating but go on after we finished. At some point Dean gets overly   emotional because I don’t know what Star Wars is and swears he’ll make me watch it sometime. It’s actually quite nice talking to Dean. He is very intelligent and also very passionate about the things he loves. Like his car, his taste in music, pie and his little brother Sam. Obviously I already knew about his background but it’s an inertly different story hearing him talk about him raising Sam after his mother’s death then just reading about it. He is a great man.

After talking for a few hours he drives me home. When he parks I feel like I should say something. “I had fun today. Thank you for showing me around, Dean.” “I had fun as well. We’ll text about that Star Wars marathon. Don’t think I’ll forget. How can you possibly call yourself educated if you don’t know Star Wars? I mean not having seen it is one thing but not even having heard of it?” “I won’t forget about the movie either. Promise. Good bye, Dean. See you Monday. And thanks again for the tour.” “Yeah see you Monday.” He seems like he wants to say something but since he doesn’t I get out of the Impala and walk up to my apartment. It was a good day. I have never had so much fun in my life. And I am pretty old.


	4. Chapter 4

On Sunday Dean and I text a little and agree to meet at his place Friday evening to watch Star Wars. I also finish reading Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Otherwise I don’t do much until work on Monday.

In my break I go to the cafeteria again and sit with Dean, Charlie, Crowley and a few others. “Hey Cassie. I‘ve been looking for you everywhere.” Suddenly I hear Balthazar behind me. “Balthazar, what are you doing here?” “Not allowed to visit my brother now am I?” “That’s not what I said. I’m just surprised to see you here. Did something happen?” “No. I was just wondering why you hadn’t called so I came to check everything was ok.” “Oh, it’s because his phone broke. We bought a new one for him on Saturday.” Dean says. My brother looks at him. “Ahh, you must be Dean Winchester. I’ve heard lots about you.” Dean’s cheeks turn a bit pink. “Really? He hasn’t talked about you much.” “Cassie you break my heart. You didn’t tell your boyfriend about me?!” Boyfriend? Since when is Dean my boyfriend? “What makes you think Dean is my boyfriend?” Balthazar rolls his eyes. “I was joking you buffoon.” Balthazar has a strange sense of humor. It isn’t funny. If I were to have a boyfriend, I would probably be cast out of heaven. Angels aren’t supposed to interact with humans in that way. “Dean wouldn’t have a problem with being your boyfriend. Or husband.” Charlie says and winks. Now Dean is really red. Is his blushing a sign that what Charlie says is true or that the thought of being with me is so embarrassing to him? What am I thinking? It wouldn’t make a difference any way. I can’t be in a relationship with him. Why am I thinking like I want to be with him? What is happening to me? I need to get out of here. Fresh air. Get a clear head. “Excuse me. I still need to get something ready for my next class. It was nice seeing you again, Balthazar. I’ll call you later.” I get up and leave.

After I finish with my classes I go straight home so I don’t have to see Dean. I need to figure out what is going on before I can talk to him again.

The next few days I go on avoiding Dean, sometimes even flying away even though that puts the secret of my identity at risk. He also tries to call me but after the first call I turn of my phone.

On Friday, during my break, I sit in my office reading the Hunger Games when Dean comes in. he doesn’t knock so I can’t fly off before he comes in. “Hey Cas. Is everything ok?” “Hello, Dean. Yes, everything is fine. Why do you ask?” “You’ve been avoiding me since the conversation with your brother and even now you look like you want to be somewhere else.” He looks hurt. Did I offend him? Maybe he does like me. “I am sorry if you feel like I have been avoiding you. I was quite busy.” I lie. “Bullshit. I can tell you’re lying. And you also didn’t answer any of my phone calls or sms. I even asked if you came to work cause I was worried something happened to you.” He almost yells now and the hurt look gets replaced by an angry one. It is weird that he can tell I’m lying. No one has ever noticed. Except of course my fellow angels. “I lost the cable for charging my phone.” “Stop lying to me! I’m not stupid so don’t treat me like I am! Just because you’re uncomfortable with the idea of being my boyfriend doesn’t give you the right to treat me like trash. I never even said I want to be with you.” “I-I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I am sorry. I had some things on my mind and just needed some time alone. It wasn’t only you I’ve been avoiding.” Not entirely the truth but it will do. “Oh ok. So are we good?” “Yes, Dean.” “Will you still come over today?” He asks almost shy looking at me with a glimmer of hope in his beautiful green eyes. How could I say no to that? “Yes, I’m looking forward to it. I’ll come at around seven, is that ok?” “Well if we want to watch all seven movies, we will need about 16 hours. If we plan on starting right after you come and don’t do any breaks, it will be around 11am when we finish. Yes, I think it will work if you come at seven.”

When seven o’clock comes nearer I change into more casual clothes and pack a bag with some for humans more comfortable clothes, a toothbrush, toothpaste and two bags of chips. According to Balthazar these are appropriate items to take along for an event like this. He also wanted me to take some condoms along but I don’t understand why. So I’m not taking any. After I finish packing I fly to Dean’s apartment. Since it’s not seven yet I wait a few minutes to ring the doorbell. Then I go up to the third floor where Dean is waiting for me in his doorway. “Hey, Cas. Right on time. Found the place ok?” “Yes. I also brought some chips. I hope they are the right kind.” I get the chips out of my bag and give them to Dean. “One can never go wrong with plain old salty. Thanks for bringing them. They’re great. Should we go inside?” Apparently he doesn’t want an answer to his question as he walks into the living room straight away. It looks nice. There are some pictures on the wall of him with his family or friends. There’s a big television on one side with a couch in front of it. On the other side there’s a table, probably for eating, and a door which seems to lead to the kitchen. There’s also a quite full bookshelf and a cupboard out of with Dean gets a bowl for the chips. “Would you like a beer?” “Yeah, sure.” Dean gets to bottles and hands me one of them. Then he sits down on his couch and because it feels like the right thing to do I sit down next to him.

The next few hours we watch the movies and Dean comments a few things. After watching three of the movies Dean says he’s tired so we decide to take a break and sleep a few hours. He offers me the guest bedroom and goes into his own. I sit down on the bed. I can understand why Dean enjoys these movies so much. They are quite good.  I especially like the golden droid. I think its name was C-3PO. It’s amazing what humans can come up with. Their imagination is admirable. I wonder how long Dean will sleep. Hopefully not too long.

Dean wakes after three hours of sleep. As soon as I hear him getting out of his room, I get up as well. Before I go into the hallway I put on the other clothes I brought along. Otherwise Dean might wonder why I slept in my jeans and that could lead to him figuring out I am an angel. Then I open the door and walk into the living room. “Hey, Dean. Did you sleep well?” I ask. “Yeah. You?” ”Yes. Should we carry on watching the movies?” Dean smirks. “I guess you liked the first three then?” “They were quite enjoyable.” Dean smiles. “Ok. Then let’s watch the next one. It’s a prequel to the ones we watched.” “If it’s a prequel, why didn’t we watch it first?” “Because, my dear friend, it was made afterwards. So the next three movies are Darth Vader’s background story and the fourth plays after The Return of the Jedi. There is another movie, Rogue One, coming to the movie theaters in December. That plays shortly before A New Hope but is not part of the main story. Next year episode eight is coming out.” “So the first movie is episode four because of the prequels that came later?” “Yes.” “I was wondering why it started with four and not one. But even if the others were made later on wouldn’t it be smarter to start with episode one. That makes much more sense.” “Many think that way but this is the right way to watch them. Trust me.” I still don’t think it makes sense but I can’t change it now anyway so we start watching The Phantom Menace.

I don’t know why but we are sitting closer together now. Not that I mind. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I can’t do this. This isn’t right. But why does it feel so right then? Why is it that I have never been so happy like in Dean’s presence? Why do feel like I have a purpose now? What is Dean doing to me? Why is it that all I want to do right now is kiss him? Why can’t I be a human and be with Dean? Why is this so difficult? Suddenly Dean lays his head on my shoulder and even though I know I shouldn’t and that humans think of this as intimate I put my arm around Dean and lay me head upon his.

We stay like this for the rest of the movies without mentioning it in any way. After we finish Dean turns a bit so he can look at me. First he looks into my eyes and then at my lips. The way he does that almost drives me crazy and it takes all my strength not to kiss him. “Cas?” “Yes?” “Maybe I was lying when I said I didn’t want to be your boyfriend. Maybe all I can think about when I’m with you is kissing you.” He’s looking into my eyes again and moves his head closer to mine. My heartbeat quickens. “Maybe all I think about when I’m not with you is you.” He puts one of his hands on my cheek. “Your blue eyes. Your pink lips. Those lips on mine. How you would look like without your shirt. Without those pants. What you would taste like.” I notice how my pants get tighter. I can’t stand it any longer. I cup his face with both of my hands and crash our lips together. My mind goes blank. All I can think about is how our mouths move together. Dean moves his hand from my face to the back of my neck and pulls me closer. Then he puts one of his legs on my other side so he straddles me. I can feel his length press against mine through our pants and we both moan. I move my mouth from his to his neck and suck. I also move my hands to his ass. “Cas! Oh god! Mmh!” He starts moving his hips so his penis rubs against mine. I moan again. “How about we go to my bedroom?” Dean asks breathless. I agree and he gets up and pulls me up. Then he leads me into his bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

“Wow. I wouldn’t have taken you for a dominate person in bed. I think you just ruined me for any other possible sexual partners.” Dean smiles at me and then kisses me. I’m still a bit conflicted if this is right or not but if it’s not it is too late anyway so I’ll just go with what feels right. “Good.”, is all I say before I kiss him again. Then he cuddles up to me and falls asleep. Since I don’t sleep I just watch Dean. Everything I know about love, sex and relationships I learned by watching humans and reading and watching their stories. I don’t know if that will be sufficient to please Dean. I hope so. If I leave my home and family and risk my life, it should last and be worth it. Who would have thought that I would give up heaven for a mere human? Definitely not how I pictured my future. I will have to tell Dean sometime that I’m an angel. Otherwise he would be quite confused when I don’t age. If he even stays with me that long. Will he treat me the same way when he finds out I’m not human? Or even still talk to me? Maybe there is a way I could become human. But how can I find that way? It would be weird. Having to eat, sleep or even to urinate. And the other angels would have an easier job killing me if I were human. They will probably kill me anyway before Dean can wonder about my non-aging. Will this be worth it? A short time with Dean instead of a long time doing heaven’s orders? Yes. I think it will. I was never really happy before I met Dean. I wonder what will happen to him after I die. Will he move on? Probably. Depends upon the time they will need to kill me. But what if he won’t? What I’m doing is pretty selfish. Dean might be heartbroken. I have seen many people that stopped functioning properly after their significant other died or also when that person left them. Maybe I shouldn’t do this after all. I don’t want to hurt Dean. I won’t hurt Dean! I should leave before he wakes up. Makes this easier. Leave town. But where to? I can’t go back to heaven. Maybe go to Europe and start a live there. I could go to another college as Castiel Novak and teach there. Do things that make me happy until angels come to kill me. But can I leave Dean like this? He at least deserves an explanation. I wouldn’t have to be specific. I could just say that I am going to die, maybe some kind of illness, and don’t want him to get attached and lose me. He would understand, right? Maybe it’s better to write a letter and not do it personally. Dean would probably prefer the latter, he deserves hearing it from me but I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough for that.

I free myself from his arms and legs and get up quietly. My eyes are burning. I’m crying? “Cas? Why did you get up?” Dean mumbles still half asleep. “I-I have to u-urinate. Go b-back to s-sleep.” Instead Dean sits up. “Are you-are you crying?” I shake my head. “Bullshit. What’s wrong?” He gets up and hugs me from behind. It’s too much. I turn around in his embrace, hug him back and cry onto his shoulder. Dean rubs small circles on my back. I don’t know how long we stand like that. When the crying gets less and my breathing is more even Dean asks “You want to tell me why you cried?” “I-I can’t do this. Us. I can’t be selfish.” “Selfish? Cas what are you talking about?!” Dean lifts my head and looks at me confused and worried. “I’m sick. Cancer. I’m going to die. How can this be a healthy relationship if I am bound to die?” “Everybody dies sometime. Some earlier, some later. That’s life, Cas. You should enjoy yourself no matter how long you live. Make your life worth it.” “But-but what will happen to you when I die. What if you get too attached and then I die and you will have to live with that burden. How would you cope with my death?” “Let me worry about that, okay?” “But it would spare you a lot of pain if I left before you have the chance to fall in love. Why do you risk your happiness for something that is bound to fail? That makes as much sense as starting with episode four instead of one.” Dean has tears in his eyes as well but at my comment he laughs. “Well to me watching the movies in this order makes sense so being in a relationship with you also makes sense. And have you ever thought that it might be too late?” “Too late for what?” “Castiel Novak. We haven’t known each other for very long but it feels like ages. We don’t know everything about each other but we understand each other like no one else can. Castiel Novak. I have already fallen for you. And if you die I **will** be devastated but not more than if you leave now. The only thing that will change is with the latter I won’t have good memories with you. If you stay I will. I will make this little time we have together the best of our lives and then I will mourn you but stand up again thinking of the time I had with you. I promise.” While Dean talks I start crying again. Silently. Dean wipes my tears away with his finger and when he’s done talking I kiss him. “I love you too, Dean Winchester.” We kiss again. Then we look at each other and smile. After a while Dean asks “How long do you have to live?” “I don’t know for sure. It could happen tomorrow or also in ten years.” “No matter how long the time is it will be the best of both our lives.” I am sure of that as well. I smile at Dean again and we kiss. After that we go back to bed and I watch Dean again while he sleeps.


End file.
